It has been over a month since I last blogged. I was going through a lot in the last month. A lot of emotional and personal matters.
I felt that I had nothing to say.
I was living my life on autopilot.
It was until yesterday that I began to get myself off of autopilot. It was sunny outside and I decided to go outside for a walk. I hadn’t walked outside in months since I drove everywhere.
When I was walking, I noticed how big and green the trees were. I breathed in the fresh air. I completely ignored my phone.
While I was walking, thoughts began to popped up on my mind. I questioned where I was going with my life. I wondered when my dreams would happen (Dealing with doubts have been my greatest weakness because I worry a lot).
It wasn’t until I remembered that I should stop worrying. I won’t deny that being patient isn’t my greatest thing. But life has presented things in unusual ways. Those unusual ways make me more excited and happy for those moments.
Walking is my time to reflect and appreciate the good things in my life.
There is no guide on how to live or even plan life after college.
As much as we want to control things, life won’t work the way we want it to. It is a hard lesson to swallow. I for one have been struggling with it the most.
Not knowing is quite scary. Questions start popping on what will happen next. Most of the time, the answer won’t appear until it happens.
But, we should not stress out on not knowing. We should embrace the present. Whatever happens next, embrace it.
This morning, I stayed in bed and wasted time on Facebook for an hour. Finally, I got up and saw how much clothes were in my laundry basket. I dragged my laundry basket to the washer.
Laundry is the most basic task to do, yet I feel so accomplished when I do it. A lot of people postpone doing laundry for weeks. This is out of plain laziness.
For the rest of today, I basically did nothing, except watched some Netflix.
There is no shame of having a lazy Sunday.
2015 was full of amazing moments, but I’m excited about 2016! This is the year for me to finally pursue my dreams! I have a feeling deep down that things will finally happen. Of course, I’m aware that things won’t happen over night. I am positive and eager for what to come.
Buddha teaches us that suffering comes from our desires. We want what we can’t have. Frustrations come in when we can’t have it. Yet, if we do get what we want, we can end up feeling empty. That leads us to the question: how do we become happy? The truth: we have to remember that we’ll be fine no matter what. As the new year is coming, be grateful for everything that happened this year, including the small victories.
Thanksgiving is coming up real fast.
Usually, you’re expected to blog about what you’re grateful for.
Well, I’m not because I’m grateful everyday. As much as life loves to test me, I’m happy due to many things: friends, family, health, and opportunities. I do experience some rough moments, but I remind myself to appreciate what I have.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Bills are piling up. Your parents keep telling you how to live your life. You are constantly feeling the need to be an adult.
People judge you for wanting to “chill.” I have felt the judgement from others. Lately, I question where my life is going. Fears creep in a bit.
However, yesterday, whiling waiting for a friend, I saw two little kids playing hide and seek with their mom. They were laughing and smiling. Seeing them like that reminded me that life is too short to stress over.
Whenever you are feeling down, just laugh a bit.
So many amazing moments have happened to me since May, such as seeing Washington D.C. for the first time. Along with the positive experiences, there have been low points too. With the low points, I have been forced to find my inner strength.
The task of finding a job has been a difficult one. I have applied for a lot of positions and maybe get a few interviews. With each interview, I go in there confidently, but I end up getting rejected.
Getting rejected is never fun. I question why I did not get the position. Taking the rejection is hard, but I can’t dwell on it.
By not getting a job, I worry that my life is not going anywhere. I panic about not advancing with my adulthood. Life has been a roller-coaster ride.
As much as I want to have a pity party, I can’t. I have realized that I have to find my inner strength in order to succeed. Finding it is a difficult task, but I must.
Everyday, I wake up with a positive attitude. I look forward to what will unfold for the day. Keeping my head up is hard, but I refuse to quit.
Recently, I have been fortunate to receive some freelance work. Getting these gigs has boosted my confidence back up. I am very happy right now.
In my process of finding my inner strength, I now understand that inner strength is not just about being strong; it is to guide you on how to find your light in the darkness. Inner strength is knowing that you will be fine no matter what.
The task of finding your voice tends to be a complicated process. You first wonder what it means to have a voice. Even if you know what it means, you can get confused by listening to others who think they know you.
I have struggled to develop my voice. Growing up, I had no idea what my voice was. People kept telling me how I should act. Even in college, my professors strongly told me that my thinking was awful. They almost made me think that their bs style was the best (it turned out that some of my professors lacked originality and creativity).
Now I have a better idea what my voice is. It has taken me trial and error to find it. This is how I found it:
1. Why do you care to have a voice?
I have realized that you have to have a reason for wanting a voice or else you will drown in confusion.
2. What is the end goal?
Having a clear goal better informs you on who you are trying to talk to.
3. Stop giving a fuck who people think.
It is so easy to let others’ opinions overwhelm you. You have to learn not to take things personally.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others.
I was guilty of comparing myself to others. Self-doubts were strong because I feared that I was not doing enough. It dawn on me that I had to stop thinking that I was doing a shitty job.
5. Keep it moving.
You are bound to have some missteps along the road, but you just have to keep it moving.
By my struggles of figuring out what I feel or think about things, I am getting closer to finding my voice.
The structure of school is instilled in us from a young age: classes, essays, exams, and readings. Teachers expose us to different subjects, such as the founding of the United States. We are told of what we are supposed to do.
We no longer have the structure to lean on after college. There is no professor to tell you what you are supposed to learn. Cultivating your desire to learn becomes less important when life throws things at you like bills. You become focus on working, which then makes it hard for you to care about developing your mind.
I fell into this trap after graduation. I was so happy to not have to write pointless essays anymore. No more wasting my time researching things I did not care about. However, I started to feel bored and uninspired.
Part of me questioned what I was supposed to do with myself. I could not think of any task to do. Just laying in my bed, I just stared at the ceiling. I thought, “What am I supposed to do?”
Later in the summer, it dawn on me that I had not written for myself in a long time. I always wrote to please professors in college. It was time for me to write for fun again. However, I wanted to challenge myself again.
Getting on my laptop, I decided to google writing opportunities. Writing contests kept popping up. So, I clicked on those links and read about the contests. That moment made me decide to enter these contests.
I could not be anymore happier about my decision to compete in writing contests. It has made me use my mind again. I have been writing materials and getting my friends to review my work. So far, I feel so stimulated again.
The most important lesson I have learned: Your learning does not stop at the classroom. You have to find ways to challenge yourself. It is up to you to figure out how to stimulate your mind.