It has been over a month since I last blogged. I was going through a lot in the last month. A lot of emotional and personal matters.
I felt that I had nothing to say.
I was living my life on autopilot.
It was until yesterday that I began to get myself off of autopilot. It was sunny outside and I decided to go outside for a walk. I hadn’t walked outside in months since I drove everywhere.
When I was walking, I noticed how big and green the trees were. I breathed in the fresh air. I completely ignored my phone.
While I was walking, thoughts began to popped up on my mind. I questioned where I was going with my life. I wondered when my dreams would happen (Dealing with doubts have been my greatest weakness because I worry a lot).
It wasn’t until I remembered that I should stop worrying. I won’t deny that being patient isn’t my greatest thing. But life has presented things in unusual ways. Those unusual ways make me more excited and happy for those moments.
Walking is my time to reflect and appreciate the good things in my life.
There is no guide on how to live or even plan life after college.
As much as we want to control things, life won’t work the way we want it to. It is a hard lesson to swallow. I for one have been struggling with it the most.
Not knowing is quite scary. Questions start popping on what will happen next. Most of the time, the answer won’t appear until it happens.
But, we should not stress out on not knowing. We should embrace the present. Whatever happens next, embrace it.
Bills are piling up. Your parents keep telling you how to live your life. You are constantly feeling the need to be an adult.
People judge you for wanting to “chill.” I have felt the judgement from others. Lately, I question where my life is going. Fears creep in a bit.
However, yesterday, whiling waiting for a friend, I saw two little kids playing hide and seek with their mom. They were laughing and smiling. Seeing them like that reminded me that life is too short to stress over.
Whenever you are feeling down, just laugh a bit.
So many amazing moments have happened to me since May, such as seeing Washington D.C. for the first time. Along with the positive experiences, there have been low points too. With the low points, I have been forced to find my inner strength.
The task of finding a job has been a difficult one. I have applied for a lot of positions and maybe get a few interviews. With each interview, I go in there confidently, but I end up getting rejected.
Getting rejected is never fun. I question why I did not get the position. Taking the rejection is hard, but I can’t dwell on it.
By not getting a job, I worry that my life is not going anywhere. I panic about not advancing with my adulthood. Life has been a roller-coaster ride.
As much as I want to have a pity party, I can’t. I have realized that I have to find my inner strength in order to succeed. Finding it is a difficult task, but I must.
Everyday, I wake up with a positive attitude. I look forward to what will unfold for the day. Keeping my head up is hard, but I refuse to quit.
Recently, I have been fortunate to receive some freelance work. Getting these gigs has boosted my confidence back up. I am very happy right now.
In my process of finding my inner strength, I now understand that inner strength is not just about being strong; it is to guide you on how to find your light in the darkness. Inner strength is knowing that you will be fine no matter what.